I don’t have a way to explain this one. I really don’t. It wasn’t even our idea, it was Kai’s. Hell, it wasn’t even his: he just took a joke way too far. He’s made friends with some really great folks that run a really great cocktail bar called Panacea. They do really great whisky tastings. Someone, a few weeks earlier, had joked about reversing the roles on April 1^st and doing a sparkling water tasting with cocktails as the palate cleanser. It was a joke. But not to Kai. And that is how we ended up at the first (and possibly only) Sparkling Water Tasting in Auckland.

In the Beginning…

Christa and I already had a full day on the 1^st: we were moving places purely for a better kitchen. Yep. We inaugurated that kitchen this weekend with some homemade guac and toad in the hole for breakfast. Christa burned herself. It was still worth it.

But that’s a different story.

Tuesday the 1^st: we got up at 3:30 AM to slam through a work day before checking out of the hotel at 10. The only trouble was the 5 hour gap we had until we could check in at 3 that afternoon. We were vagabonds. We took our bags over to Kai’s place and forced him to take them like a baby at a fire station. But he didn’t seem to mind. He was in oddly high spirits.

‘I have to go buy water,’ he announced. ‘It’s at a specialty shop. You can’t get it anywhere else. Should only be 15 minutes on the bus.’

‘Ok,’ we said. We were a little hungry by this point. We’d been awake for 7 hours and it was only 10:30, for god’s sake.

‘Do you want to come?’ he asked.

‘What about some tacos?’ we countered.

‘Sure.’

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Democracy Manifest.

Part 2: of Tacos and Quests

We’d been meaning to try Tacoteca for a while, but we’d never made it in. I could make a whole post about lunch, about the very sensual (lustful?)experience of taking out racks of tacos, but it might be too intimate for you, dear reader. And besides, it has nothing to do with the sparkling water tasting. And what’s more, we didn’t take any photos.

None of this is relevant.

Christa still had an hour of work to finish after lunch, which left me the dubious honor of being the Sancho Panza to Kai’s Quixote as we traveled around the greater Auckland Metro region collecting a king’s ransom of mineral waters from around the world. I started to flag out after an hour – unknown if this was from the 5 cups of coffee or getting up at 3:30 in the morning – so Kai cracked open some mineral water to keep me going. It guaranteed a smooth, neutral taste in the copy. It also claimed I would taste the essence of nature. It was, indeed, smooth, and neutral. I don’t know if I tasted the essence of nature, but I’m not certain I would know what it is if I did taste it. Finally, Kai had assembled his lineup: Antipodes from NZ, San Pellegrino and Santa Vittoria from Italy, Gerolsteiner from Germany, and – as a placeholder – a can of Liquid Death. ‘There’s one more,’ Kai claimed, ‘called Vichy Catalan. But I’m sure they’ll have it at Panacea.’ (They did not – Ed.)

We got moved in to our new place, moved our belongings over, and Kai grabbed his printouts and AI-generated tasting notes. Yes. He took it very seriously.

The Sparkling Water Tasting of 2025

So we made it over to Panacea. PJ and Ryan were on duty that night, and, while somewhat surprised at the lengths Kai had gone to, were understanding of his eccentricity. And speaking of Panacea: one day I’ll sit down to do a proper review and give it what it deserves – It’s one of the finest cocktail places we’ve encountered, and it is truly dedicated to mixology: not the ‘mixology’ of a Portland bartender with poor facial hair and a leather apron who can only align his chakras by making a pass at your girlfriend, but an actual science that would leave the boys at CERN in awe. But this isn’t that story.

I had missed something:

‘You don’t have Catalan?’ Kai was saying.

‘No, but they have it next door,’ PJ said. ‘I can write you a note.’

‘Oh, ok,’ Kai said.

PJ wrote him a hall pass and sent him to the restaurant across the street.

Now, we were prepared. We got through all six on two cocktail ‘palate cleansers’ (this part is important), and ranked them. If you’re ever faced with the difficult choice of finding the appropriate sparkling water for an event, here are a few notes:

Antipodes (NZ) – A breakfast water. Not much beyond the bubbles, but I liked the bubbles I got.

Pellegrino (Italy) – Clean, more body, middle of the road sparkling. Bubbles not so tight as Antipodes.

Santa Vittoria (Italy) – Very fizzy. Softer as well, gentle. A hug for the tongue. Undertone of lake. It is, and is not, a party water. Has a certain seductiveness, but in a sweet way. Nice to you. Girlfriend material.

Gerolsteiner (Germany) – Very neutral flavor. In fact, so neutral in flavor it should have been made by the Swiss, not the Germans. Bubbles are good, but missing that lake undertone. To paraphrase Camus, most of human life can be explained as ‘something must happen.’ I do not believe anything happens in this water.

At this point, we were getting a little deep in our (water) cups – things were starting to meld together. It was a lot of water in a short period of time. PJ summed it up best: ‘I’m feeling hydrated.’ We took a little break for another palate cleanser. Then we began on the last two – the most controversial two, as it would turn out.

Liquid Death – this was subbing in for Perrier, and it suffered in comparison. Ryan compared it to a soda stream, and PJ commented: ‘Nothing much of the waters…’ Marketing is everything.

Vichy Catalan – This is a brutally, brutally, salty water. Essentially ocean water, but with perhaps more salt. If you get past the first 3 swigs, however, your body stops noticing the salt. You enter a new paradigm of flavor: like when the dose starts to hit and everything starts turning into fractals. Your tongue gets coated with the salt, and instead of brackish seawater, you get a weird fruity flavor. It’s quite original. Still don’t recommend.

In Conclusion:

So there you have it. The great Sparkling Water Tasting was over, for now and probably forever. The final winner was Santa Vittoria, although PJ preferred Pellegrino. We stuck around for a short while after to have a cocktail and catch up before Christa and I had to take off about 8. Kai began to come with us, but remembered it was his Friday night at the door and elected to stay a while longer. Maybe all that water made him thirsty…